Eventually this may become the first post in a separate blog. But rather than have it sit alone and lonely, I'll start your story here - in my current, main (if neglected) blog.
I believe God has selected children for me that do not live in my home. Who are you? Where are you? How are we supposed to meet, and be united as a family, and grow together?
Know this: I do not have the strength, the courage, the resources to find you and bring you home. On low days, I may not have the will, even. But if God has ordained it, He will make it so. If He brings me to it, He will bring us through it! So, when you are here, you will know that He selected us for you, and you for us. He had the plan, the means and He made it happen.
I write this today so you will know He was in this from the beginning. We didn't call on Him only in the middle, when we'd gotten in over our heads and were wondering how to make it through. This was His, from the beginning. As are you. Wherever you are.
This is part of the story of how you were conceived in my heart. I cannot know yet if you've even been born physically, in the natural, yet. But, while birth children grow in their mother's womb, adopted children grow in their mommy's and daddy's hearts.
Several stories came through our church last year from South Africa. Some members of our church and other people in our county returned from a mission to South Africa. A few weeks later, a couple of ministers from South Africa spoke from our pulpit.
Here's what I learned: South Africa is the richest nation on the continent of Africa.
And they have an 85% unemployment rate. People from surrounding countries flood into the nation when they are able, because conditions are worse everywhere else. It is a nation of incredible riches living side by side with heart-rending poverty. Even the churches in the city have 6' high walls topped with barbed wire, because anything not protected is stolen.
In that environment, here is the story of one church, and their mission in Johannesburg:
http://www.holeinthewall.org.za/how.htm
What else did I learn? Because of the aids pandemic in Africa, there is an epidemic of orphans. Most children without parents are cared for by a relative - an aunt, uncle, or grandparent. The South African government expects communities to band together and provide care for their orphaned children. But families and communities are overwhelmed, because there are so many orphans, so many adults have died. A tiny, poor, single-parent household may have 5 to 8 children living in it. Not all the children are siblings. Often they are cousins. After one set of parents died, their kids moved in with the remaining aunt or uncle. These are the lucky ones, that still have one adult left to lean on. Some are teenager head of households, with an older child trying to work and provide for younger siblings, because no adults are left to fill the role.
I learned that music is a cultural value in South Africa. Everybody sings! (How awesome is that?) My friend (with a poet's heart and love for all things musical) went into the men's prison to attend a worship service. In a low-ceilinged meeting room with 150 male prisoners and no musical instruments, the worship service was as beautiful as any he had ever heard. 150 male voices lifted in a cappella worship, 4-and 5-part harmonies, and indescribably beautiful.
I learned the kids crave affection, hugs and touch. The children in the Door of Hope church love to be held, and yearn for understanding the love that God intended for them through the adults that come from all over the world to provide care for them.
And I knew and realized I have been so blessed with such bounty! God has given me and my family so much that we cannot appreciate how good He has been to us. I wanted to rescue a sibling group, unburden a teenager and give them a few more years of childhood, safety, and adult mentoring, if they would permit it. I wanted music in my house, even more than I have now. And I wanted siblings for my children who could teach them how much God has given us, and how great our responsibilities are to share what we have.
But adoption? Just because I wanted to share with those who have nothing doesn't mean my (rather crowded) family could see things that way. They would be the first obstacle, and surely have sense enough to put a damper on the idea. It was foolhardy, a pipe-dream. (Where does the term 'pipe-dream' come from, anyhow?) But I went home with my heart full and heavy, and tears in my eyes, and spoke to my husband, who would have more sense than I.
He did not. He listened attentively to all as I poured out my heart and the visions I had, and he agreed. Yes, let's adopt! But we must talk to the children, too, of course. This is a family thing, and all will need a say. ...No one objected. None! Not even a little. I was flabbergasted - all 6 of us are crazy! The children were willing to share rooms and sacrifice space and stuff, to have more family in a crowded house. We're all nuts. But before the week was out, Leo wrote a love letter to the brother or sister he hasn't even met, yet. The faith of a child...
This was all last year, no, longer ago than that - 2007. You see, just because we all agreed was not enough to make it happen. My faith in God is big, but my faith in me is tiny. And paperwork scares me. Having strangers in to judge how our household operates is scarier for me, still. I did some research, finding out what would we have to do.
Well, there has to be a home study. People investigate your household and how it operates and how the people in the house relate to each other, and what your routines are, and do you have a clue what you're getting in to? I talked to a man who did an open adoption, and adopted a family member - that is, he was adopting a niece or a grandchild as his own. The baby had lived in his house since birth, and he and his wife had always had custody. But when he went to adopt, he still had to have a home study. There's no way to get around it.
My teenager asks, "If the home study does not approve you for adoption, does that mean you're not qualified for the kids you already have?"
Plus, South Africa was closed to US adoptions. South Africa was waiting for the United States to adopt the Hague Convention on International adoptions, due to occur at the end of 2007. Another obstacle. But since I wasn't ready for a home study, there was no sense being frustrated over legal hurdles. I'm a procrastinator, and this was all the excuse I needed.
As dumb as it sounds, another step in my mental process for this was to qualify to adopt a dog from an animal rescue organization. I didn't think we could do it. We did - they approved my application. All I have to do it raise the backyard fence to 6 feet (it's gonna be a big dog, but that's another story).
Although I dragged my feet, I didn't forget. I worked on the house and our routines. We still have a ways to go, but progress has been made. Bringing in a housekeeper even once every other week helps tremendously to lower stress levels and keep the house in better order. I changed jobs to have more time at home. I changed the structure of the new job to travel less, and the kids who are here have benefited from that, too.
Then one day in the church bulletin there it was: an open meeting for adoption info. And I wasn't busy that evening. My husband said I could go, but he was working that night and he couldn't join me. It was ... weird. I was the only one there without a spouse, and room was full. I was the only one there with children, and the other couples didn't know what to make of me. The woman speaking was uncomfortable with the questions I asked. But the meeting was for domestic (USA) adoptions, and the agency was providing prospective parents to pregnant women who couldn't care for their babies. The birth moms would pick the family, and the house hold should prove they were a good steward of a newborn. It was not a good fit for me, or my family. I was seriously intimidated. This agency wouldn't understand me, or my family, or our desires. I should write a separate post telling of that meeting sometime. I went back to tidying up our lives, where I had the fortitude, and waiting on God the rest of the time.
But our kids are getting older. And I want to add siblings, special siblings from another culture. We're rearranging bedrooms. More children space, more room, more flexibility. Everything is slowly aimed at the vision: can we fit more children into our lives? All of us, not just me?
An email came to me, months later - from an adoption agency. How odd, I thought. Offering information, services, requesting feedback... I was still shaken from the previous lonely experience. But I responded, tentatively. And got more info! Hmm. So I read some of it, and saved copies to my computer. And put the thought away.
Another traveling minister visited our church. Again, from South Africa. I don't remember much about him. He wasn't the type of dynamic speaker I look foward to. But God has been moving in big ways in my life, and I was interested in ... shall we say, non-coincidental ties. Standing with the traveling minister after the service was the head of missions. I had missed a planning meeting for a mission trip to South Africa, because I had another commitment that day. Was there going to be a trip? Was it full yet? Yes and no - he took my name and number and added me to his list of prospects. In fact, there were 3 simultaneous missions to South Africa - evangelism? "Um, maybe. What else?" Construction? "Ooo! That sounds like me. What else?" Vacation Bible School? "Um, no that is wayy not me. Probably construction, but evangelism might be OK."
And voila - one of my children and I are signed up for a mission trip to South Africa this summer. We've applied for and received our passports! The tickets still must be paid for, of course... Lord, I know You're listening!
Another adoption agency email. A free meeting on international adoptions. On a night that I'm busy. And I don't want to go alone, again. Daddy works nights. I suppose I could at least talk with him about it.
He agreed to go!
So, this morning I called the agency, hoping it was too late to reserve a spot. The woman who sent me the email wasn't in. The one who answered the phone didn't know what I was talking about. There was no meeting planned for tonight. No wait, the meeting is in another city from the office that I'm on the phone with. Yes, that's the one I mean. She made a reservation for me, and added my husband's name into my record. "You have a record on me. That sounds so initimidating." She assured me it's just a contacts database. Still...
I called the neighbor to take our kids to church tonight. No, she's ill. Second phone call, another friend, who says: "Call my husband." I did. He agreed. Of course, I haven't reminded my husband, and he's nowhere to be found, nor answering his phone. But it's my own fault for not reminding him, and I'm committed to going now.
I find him accidentally (if you believe in such things) when I stopped by the church, and he can get ready and only be a little bit late. What a trooper! He didn't even get upset with me, when I was busy taking care of my tasks and not helping him with directions. So I got lost on the way and he didn't. God has a sense of humor, you know.
The meeting was info for international adoptions. The people there were great! The lady doing the talking was professional, courteous, helpful, encouraging. She prayed for us before we left.
God is good all the time! All the time, God is good.
I don't know who you are, yet. I don't know where you are. There's another blog post due about what Daddy and I talked about after the meeting. I don't know where the money will come from. But there is no financial crisis in God's economy. He will make a way, if He means for us to come to you.
Did I mention that the Hague Convention has been passed in the US? That's another obstacle gone.
We don't need to see the ending of the story. We just need to see to take the next step. There is more coming for us to do. Where are you? Who are you? When will we meet? Will my extended family accept you as their family, or will my household be family enough? That's all down the road. First, prayer - lots of it. Then, where are you?
